Staying With Boys
by Zapenstap
Summary: Relena stays over with the gundam pilots just friends! just friends! and starts the next day packing them lunches... pissed off as all hell. A little revenge for bad hospitality seems to be in order.
1. Default Chapter

breakfast 

I don't know where this came from, but this kind of thing actually _does_ happens. If it happens to you, go home!!   
  
  
  


Staying With Boys   


by zapenstap 

  
  
  
  
  


Relena stood behind a marble-top counter and stared at the cutting board. Her gaze then drifted to the refrigerator, humming happily beneath her notice in the corner. There was a loaf of wheat bread in front of her... in a plastic bag, a plastic bag sealed with one of those square plastic things with the slit on one side. She stared for it dumbly for a moment, but gradually her hands creeped forward. She picked it up, feeling her fingers connect with the plastic, feeling the weight of the bag, the slices of bread inside moving about over her fingers. She twisted off the plastic sealer and measured out ten slices of bread. 

"...?" 

One minute she had been getting ready to go home from work in her own apartment and the next she was standing in a strange kitchen in flannel pajama bottoms and a T-shirt way too big for her...the next morning. They weren't even her clothes. 

How did this happen?! 

"I prefer the walk of shame," she said to nobody in particular. Well, nobody, because she was the only one in the room. "At least that way I would get _noticed_." 

She she had shacked last night. Big deal, right??? Nothing happened; she'd just slept over. It was uncommon that the gundam pilots were all together, staying in Duo's house. She has promised herself she was going to stay away from Heero, but he'd invited _her_ over; she did not invite herself! She'd been getting ready to go to home after work last night and he'd come to her office with Duo grinning over his shoulder and said in an absolute monotone, "Relena, you want to come to Duo's tonight?." She'd stared at him dumbfounded and heard herself saying "okay" as if watching herself from another room. Leaving her stuff exactly as it lay on her desk, untidy, disorganized, and even dangerously exposed, she followed them both out. 

Heero didn't say two words to her on the way over and she'd been so totally confused she didn't attempt to start any sort of conversation. He walked beside her, but with significant space between them, his hands in his pockets, not looking at her, and probably not thinking about her. Duo walked on her other side, too close, leaning into her with one arm slung over her shoulders. She'd stared at him in spooked silence, her eyes as big as saucers and he rambled on about nothing. 

They'd arrived at Duo's place and lo and behold! the other three pilots were already there, gathered around the TV with an assortment of mainly unhealthy food and drink items. Quatre and Trowa welcomed her, Wufei ignored her. He was too busy eating cheetos and flipping through channels with the remote. 

She'd been about to announce that she was going home, still totally bewildered at what she was doing there in the first place, when Duo announced that it was time for a movie and why shouldn't Heero and Relena go pick one out of his room... alone? 

If her eyes were big before, they got wider. She thought her eyelids might have receded into her skull. Heero merely shrugged and strode off. She followed him, still in silence, feeling most uncomfortable and out of place in her business clothes. Upon mentioning this, Heero offered to let her wear his clothes. She agreed without really thinking about it. So she changed in the bathroom while he arbitrarily pulled out a movie and back to the living room they went...like fifteen, maybe twenty minutes later. She'd taken her time changing. 

But she hadn't counted on the reaction of the others. Quatre's eyes literally popped out of his head at seeing her in Heero's flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. 

"Whoa. You guys didn't waste anytime!" Duo roared, laughing hysterically. 

Both Heero and Relena were way too conservative to give any response other than their shocked facial expressions, at which Duo merely laughed harder. Wufei snorted and went back to flipping channels with the remote. Quatre bit his lip and turned away with a half-conealed smile. Trowa spoke up briefly in their defense, but Duo overrode him with exclamation and questions abotu "what they had been doing." It didn't matter that he was obviously joking. Relena had never been so embarrassed in her life. Heero just looked profoundly annoyed. 

They didn't even watch the movie. The boys just chatted idly while Wufei flipped channels. Relena sat on the edge of the couch and pulled her feet up under her, but instantly recognized how she was not really factored as part of the group. She was a strange outsider, a spectator, a decoration of some sort. Heero sat beside her, but he didn't say anything either, not to her anyway. He did talk a little bit, but only to refute something someone else said, usually Duo, and never followed up on any particular comment. 

Relena sat there for a few hours, waiting patiently to be included, recognized, something, but eventually realizing that this was not going to happen, her mind turned to her inward thoughts, mostly about her work and the stress involved, and some about Heero. She gradually came to realize that she was angry at him, which was totally new, and took a great deal of time dissecting her own mind. At length, she became drowsy and fell asleep... 

...until she was rudely roused by Duo...the next morning. 

"Hey, Relena," he said as she opened her eyes slowly, feeling stiff and sore. "Us guys have got to get ready for work and stuff. You want to make us lunch for later?" 

She was so sleepy and naturally kind-hearted and benevolent that she simply agreed without thought. It was only after Duo left that she realized how angrily she should have reacted to such a suggestion. Of course, if she had, the most likely result was that she would probably be mocked for freaking out about nothing. 

So that was how she found herself in front of a marble counter, in a strange kitchen, wearing Heero's clothes, attempting to make lunch for five boys when she had her own demanding schedule to attend to. This was an example of how nice girls are ill-used. She was so angry she could spit. 

She shouldn't have to take this crap from these people! She took crap from everybody in her work, of course, on behalf of people who needed someone to take crap for them, but this was just _ridiculous_!! She had wanted to spend time with Heero, sure. She thought he'd invited her out of some affection or desire to start...something; God only knows what, but this was NOT what she had expected at all. To be invited so specifically and then _ignored_, and then left to sleep very uncomfortably on a couch and then asked to make _lunch_???? Were they _kidding_? 

Well, she wasn't going to stand for it! 

A wicked idea began to take form in her mind. 

They probably thought her too dull for ordinary conversation. They probably didn't think she had any imagination, not to mention feelings or cares of her own. She'd show 'em, though. Yeah, she'd make them lunch. 

She stared down at the unoffending slices of bread with narrowed eyes. Crossing the kitchen floor she opened the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of eggs, some lunch meat, some vegetables, some random sauces, and variety of other food materials. She spotted the leftovers of last night's food gorge in the cupboard (none of which had been offered to her! And she was too polite to have asked!) and spread it all out on the table before her. 

Taking the first two slices of bread, she set them before her and reached for the carton of eggs. Opening it, she took out one of the eggs, tossing it lightly in her hand. 

This one for Duo. 

She was so mad! He was most to blame. It was his house! He was the host; she was the guest. Getting her here had to be his idea. Heero would never had done it on his own. And for those comments after she changed into something she could sleep in!!!!! The insensitive jerk, making her feel like trash that way! 

Gritting her teeth, she cracked the egg on her forehead. She didn't know why. She just did it. It didn't get on her thankfully (she hadn't smashed it; just cracked it). She put the egg, shell and all, on the first slice of bread. She slapped a piece of deli ham on top of it, put the second slice of bread down and pushed just hard enough. Some of the egg spilled down the side of the bread. A shell poked out one corner. She deposited the whole sandwhich in a plastic baggie and the baggie in a paper bag. 

But of course, Duo would want more than a sandwhich, right? She threw in a squash. A whole, uncooked, yellow squash. Let him munch on that! 

But he'd want something to drink, right? She threw in an empty juice carton. It was appearances that counted. 

Time for Wufei. 

Wufei's sandwhich consisted on a slice of lettuce and some cheetos. He'd been eating enough of them last night. She put a tomato in as a fruit (or a vegetable) and then as an afterthought tossed in the tv remote control. He wanted it; let him have it! 

Quatre got plain bread. That was it; nothing inside, just bread. Serves him right. She added a beer with an evil smirk. Bread and beer, just what Mr. Winner would order. 

To Trowa she was a little decent. He got cheeze on his bread, anmd then covered it with tabasco sauce. And she put in a stick of celery to munch on. That wasn't so bad. And hey, since celery had so much water in it, she supposed it served doubly as a drink. 

Now for Heero. 

She stood with her arms crossed as she pondered what to do about Heero. She couldn't help loving him, that was the problem. She would really like to make him a nice lunch and she didn't want him to be angry with her. No no; she wanted Heero to apologize and take her out on a _real_ date...or something. Just a sincere talk maybe. It didn't matter what the others thought, and he _had_ let her borrow his clothes. 

Smiling, she set about making real food with all the tender loving devotion she could muster. She toasted his bread, lavished it with mayonnaise and mustard and sliced pickles. She cut thin slices of cheddar cheese and gave him roast beef instead of ham. She put on thinly cliced tomatos and lettuce and for a finishing touch, kept it all together with two toothpicks, like a sandwich in a deli. She wrapped it carefully and added a pop and a bag of fresh chips. Well, it wasn't gourmet, but compared to the others it was a feast! Once deposited in the bag, she fished through Duo's drawers for paper and a pen and wrote him a little note. Smiling, she capped the pen, deposited the note into the bag, and then lined all five lunch bags up on the counter, the tops rolled carefully down. She labled each with a permanent marker. 

Just as she finished the boys came pounding down the stairs in their boots and preventor jackets. 

"Hey thanks, Relena!" Duo sang as he grabbed his lunch. "You're a sport, princess!" Then he was out the door. 

Wufei took his without comment, not even noticing how heavy it was. Relena had to supress a giddy smile as she imagined him trying to eat the remote. Quatre and Trowa grabbed theirs without even looking at her. She was glad she hadn't been so nice to them after all. To all of them she stood in perfect attendance, her hands clasped in front of her, dimpling through sweet, closed-mouthed smile. 

Heero came down last, trodding heavily. He stopped on the stairs to look at her with the most peculiar expression on his face, and her heart thumped loudly. 

"Did you sleep well?" he asked quietly. 

She shrugged. "All right. You're going to be late." 

He looked her a moment more with those beautiful dark blue eyes. He seemed about to say something, his brow creasing with the effort, but then thought better of it and turned away. He grabbed his lunch from the counter and followed the others outside. 

Relena smirked once the door closed on her face. Leaving everything out on the counter, she went upstairs, changed back into her business clothes and made her way outside. She shut the door to Duo house and paused with her hand on the doorknob, smiling. She hoped Trowa got a hot mouth from that sauce and Quatre would take a sip of that beer without looking at it first. She hoped Duo swallowed some of that egg shell!! She hoped Heero felt pretty bad for the way she had been treated, though she would forgive him instantly, of course. She hoped Wufei liked his cheeto sandwich. 

She smiled. All in all, she felt a great deal better. That would teach them not to undermine the sensitivities of Relena Darilan. 

Oh, but it was the last time she would stay with boys!   
  
  
  
  
  


REVIEWS????? Yeah, yeah, so I'm taking a break from Temper the Soul with a short little digression. That's okay! Digression is good. If you want to see the reaction of the g-pilots to their "lunch" in this fic you'll have to write lots of reviews telling me, 'cause that's what I like. I got the idea for this from a crazy dream (the imagery of Relena cracking an egg on her head mostly, and I thought I might as well throw it out there. Can't hurt, right?) I don't know; what'd you think?   
  
  
  



	2. Part 2: Aftermath

Staying With Boys 

Part 2:   
The Aftermath for the Optimistic 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Heero sat down at the end of lunch table heavily. Duo and Quatre sat on his left, Wufei and Trowa across from them. Heero observed them all silently, resting the side of his head against his hand, his elbow propped on the table as conversation began among the rest of them. 

They were all wearing Preventors' jackets, though they were not all strictly Preventors. With Lady Une in charge it didn't make any difference and when they were asked to help out, no one ever refused, not even Quatre, who had other responsibilities. Wufei, of course, was a Preventor all the time and sometimes felt their presence as an intrusion, but his respect for the other pilots generally overcame his indignation. 

Duo started up with a story before any of them even had time to start open their lunches. Heero wasn't really listening, tired and troubled that morning. He was still a little annoyed with Duo for last night, and a little regretful for agreeing to invite Relena over in the first place. She didn't seem like she had that much fun, though it had been nice to see her. Oh well. It was too late to fix it now. 

Everyone was opening their lunches, but Heero left his alone, not feeling very hungry for some reason. Instead he half listened to Duo's story and merely watched the scene. He woke up a little when he saw what Wufei pulled out of his brown paper bag. 

What the hell was that? Wufei turned what looked like a remote controller over in his hands and stared at it in absolute bewilderment. 

"What've you got there, Wufei?" Quatre asked, leaning slightly over the table to get a better view. 

"Isn't that the remote control to Duo's television?" Trowa said, staring at it strangely. 

Wufei didn't reply. He just reached into the bag and pulled out the strangest sandwich Heero had ever seen. There was lettuce on it... and something else. 

"I think those are cheetos," Quatre said, blinking. "Are they cheetos?" 

"From last night," Wufei said calmly. 

"What the...?" Duo blinked, mouth agape. "What was she this morning, drunk?" 

Heero stared in uncomprehending fashion, trying to grasp something he knew about Relena to have this make sense. Nothing clicked. 

Wufei dug his back in the bag and withdrew a bruised tomato, plain and unwashed. 

A small laugh escaped Duo's mouth. 

"That's a tomato," Quatre said dumbly. 

Wufei shrugged and calmly took a bite of it, like it was an apple. 

"Ewe," Quatre said. "How can you do that?" 

"It's a perfectly good tomato," Trowa said straight-faced, crossing his arms. 

Heero hid a small smirk. Wufei was too proud not to take this like it was a feast for a king. 

Wufei smiled slyly at them. "It's ripe," he said. He picked his sandwich apart and began munching on the cheetos. 

Duo just shook his head. "I wonder what she has against you, man." 

Wufei smiled slyly. "Somehow, Maxwell, I don't think I'm the only butt of this joke the princess has played." 

Duo raised his eyebrows and the next instant everyone but Heero was pulling strange items out of their lunch bags. 

"She gave me a beer," Quatre said in disbelief, setting it before him like a strange object worthy of inspection. 

"Don't drink it, Quatre," Duo said a little over seriously. "It'll probably nake you drunk." He stared at it hungrily. 

"Duo," Trowa warned. 

"I'll trade you for a squash," Duo suggested to Quatre, holding up an entire, uncooked ellow squash like a prize. "To go with your bread." 

"There's nothing on it," Quatre complained. 

"I see that," Duo returned. "You want the squash?" He waved it in front of the young blonde pilot's face. Quatre grabbed for it and Duo snagged the beer out from in front of him. "Now I have a drink!" The juice carton by his elbow was apparently empty before Duo touched it. 

Trowa peered at his sandwich uncertainly. 

"What is it, Trowa?" Quatre asked. 

Trowa shrugged and took a small, experimental bite. His eyes widened and he reached for Duo's beer. 

"Hey!" Duo protested as Trowa snatched it out of his hands and took a swallow. 

"She put tabasco sauce in it!" Trowa explained, handing the beer back and sucking air into his mouth. He reached for the celery stick and munched on it greedily. 

Heero smiled slightly. Crazy girl, Relena, always had been. Almost as crazy as himself. He tried to imagine her making all of this and smiled wider. 

Duo shrugged and picked up his own sandwich with both hands. 

"Duo," Wufei said hesitantly. "That looks like a raw egg..." 

Duo shugged. "There's ham on it too," he said as if that made it okay, and took a huge bite. He swallowed and took another, munching happily. They all stared at him. Heero could hear something crunching in the braided pilot's mouth. 

"Uh...Duo," Trowa said slowly. 

Duo looked at him. "What?" 

"What else is in there?" 

"Egg shells, I trink," Duo said natter-of-factly, and swallowed again. They just stared. "What?" he said, taking another bite. "I'm hungry. There's got to be something nutritious in egg shells, right?" 

Nobody replied to that. 

"Why did she do this?" Quatre asked. "Did we mistreat her or something?" 

"We ignored her," Trowa said, leaning back again in his chair. Heero could almost see the wheels turning in his head like machinery. "She must have been pretty upset." 

"Oh... yeah," Quatre said thoughtfully. Wufei nodded. 

Duo frowned around his sandwich, a bit of egg white on his lip. "Well I don't get it," he complained. "Nobody was mean to her. I thought she had a good time. She didn't say anything." Quatre sighed. Wufei snorted. 

Heero swallowed. He understood and felt bad, but what should he have done? Well, he probably shouldn't have invited her, or at least he should have made some plans in advance with the thought of her being there. She wasn't, after all, one of the guys. 

"What did you get, Heero?" Wufei asked. 

Heero pulled his lunch in front of him, curious. He opened it and blinked in surprise. 

"What?" Duo asked, his mouth still full of food as he tried to peer inside his bag. "What did you get? Poison?" 

Heero glared at him until he backed away and then pulled out his sandwich and set it before him. It looked...really good. He smiled in self-satisfaction and gratification. The others just stared. Wufei chuckled. 

"I don't get it," Duo said. "Why's she so nice to _you_? Shouldn't she expect more from you or somethin' ?" 

"Don't be stupid, Maxwell," Wufei said with a grunt. "She doesn't _likeyou_." 

Heero smiled down at his sandwich and didn't feel the need to reply. It was as if he and Relena shared a special secret. He got that she was mad, but also that she was willing to forgive him. There was a note in the bag to go with the sandwich she hd made. He picked it up and opened it carefully.   
  


_Dear Heero,_

_Thanks for last night. Call me._

_Love, Relena._   
  


He flushed and then chuckled. Duo's hand came creeping toward his sandwhich and he smacked it without looking away from the note. 

"Ow! What's your problem, Heero?" Duo whined, shaking his hand and making a fuss over it. 

"She made it for me, not you," Heero replied calmly. Carefully, he placed the sandwich back in the bag and tucked the note in his left jacket pocket. 

"What does it say, Heero?" Quatre asked nicely. 

"Nothing," he replied, swinging his leg over the bench and standing up. "Enjoy your lunch." Smiling, he stood up and walked away just as Trowa was telling Quatre and Duo that they ought to apologize to Relena and try to make up for it. Duo still didn't seem to understand "what the princess's problem was." 

"Heero, where are you going?" Trowa called out as Wufei and Quatre tried to explain it to Duo without much success. 

"I'm going to call her and ask her to have lunch with me," he said simply. 

All conversation stopped. Quatre smiled at him. Trowa nodded. Wufei's eyes avoided him, but his lips curved upward. 

Duo laughed out loud. "Way to go, Heero!" he said. "Must have been some note," he snickered to the others. 

"Good luck, Heero," Quatre said. 

Heero nodded and walked away again. 

He ought to have relied on his own ideas in the first place.   
  
  
  
  


The end!   


Thought I forgot about it didn't ya'? But I didn't. I've just been busy. Hope you liked it! Please review for me, okay? 

PS: Sadly, this isn't the way it usually turns out...*sigh*. Oh well. It's the first half of the first part that's such a true story. 


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